Moral Test for all UK citizens .........

Moral Test....Read to the end before making a judgement.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.

By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which

you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

*** THE SITUATION: ***

You are in London .

There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding.

This is a flood of biblical proportions.

You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're

caught in the middle of this epic disaster.

The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing

into the water.

Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

*** THE TEST: ***

Suddenly, you see a man in the water.

He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris

You move closer... Somehow, the man looks familiar....

You suddenly realize who it is.... It's the Muslim Cleric, Abu Hamza,

the one-eyed, hook handed bastard who hates non-Muslims and wants the

UK to become an Islamic state!!

You notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever.

You have two options:

You can save the life of Abu or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer

Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the country's

most despised, evil and powerful men!

*** NOW THE QUESTION AND PLEASE GIVE AN HONEST ANSWER ***

Would you select high contrast colour film or, would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

New Arsenal Shirt for 2012-13 season....

This is being reported as the new Arsenal Home shirt for next season, 2012-13. It was revealed on the website ArsenalInsider.com, who have a good track record for being the first to show the next seasons shirt. Oh my, I really hope that this time they have gotten it wrong. A grey collar, dark navy on the sleeves, just when will Nike understand a very simple english word, tradition !
Of course I will buy it, I have every shirt for the last 26 years, home, away, 3rd strip, everyone. And if this is to be the shirt, I would still buy it, but this is one that I would not wear, or ever like.

21 really funny one-liners, funny funny funny.......

1.    Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many levels.
2.    So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: "Who's speaking please?" And a voice said: "You are."

3.    So I went down my local ice-cream shop and said: "I want to buy an ice-cream." He said: "Hundreds and thousands?" I said: "We'll start with the one."

4.    When I left home, my mum said: "Don't forget to write." I thought: "That's unlikely – it's a basic skill, isn't it?"

5.    Velcro... what a rip-off.

6.    So I met a gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants. It was Weggie Kray.

7.    I wanted to be a milkman but I didn't have the bottle.

8.    So I said to this train driver: "I want to go to Paris." He said: "Eurostar?" I said: "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."

9.    I used go out with an anaesthetist – she was a local girl.

10.  I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper... dicing with death.

11.  So I rang up British Telecom and said: "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said: "Not you again."

12.  Albinos – you can't say fairer than that.

13.  I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

14.  The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.

15.  I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: "Is that the local swimming baths?" He said: "It depends where you're calling from."

16.  So I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

17.  I'm against hunting. In fact, I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

18.  So I went down the local supermarket. I said: "I want to make a complaint – this vinegar's got lumps in it." He said: "Those are pickled onions."

19.  I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

20.  I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

21.   "Conjunctivitis.com — that's a site for sore eyes."

Looking forward to getting old.............

ROMANCE  

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me.."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked..

"To get my teeth!"

_____________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,"Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

_____________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

_____________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!"

"Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"

_____________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE : So helpful !

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine..

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I'll do it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because they know it's true!!!

The funniest video ever !!!

This is one of the funniest videos.  Not only is the guyon the far right hilarious, but the one to the immediate right is funny
because of his non-reaction for so long.  Watch the poor guy on the
far right.........

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/ed64755ab1/her-first-period

The link is safe and leads to a comedy site.